We all have those friends and family members (older, usually conservative-leaning, if we’re being honest) who share those posts on Facebook. You know the ones. The posts that are so blatantly false, with no sources cited and outrageous claims masquerading as “facts,” that your first reaction is likely derision. Or anger. And, if you’re like me, your first impulse might be to tear it apart bit by bit, publicly and rudely. Hey, I’ve been there! I once saw an uncle share a post that claimed “Kurt Cobain actually predicted and supported a future Trump presidency!” with a “quote” from the former Nirvana front man. Now, knowing what I know about Kurt Cobain’s personal politics (and it isn’t hard to find these things out, all it takes is a bare-bones knowledge of his lyrics and a few interviews) I knew this had to be fake. So, I did what any anger-fueled person might do: after jumping onto Snopes to be sure of my position and to get some screenshots to prove it, I tore my uncle a new one. Readers: don’t be like me.
That impulse is a very understandable one, and I’m not just saying that because I have fallen victim to it. When you know you’re right and someone else is wrong, and especially when it involves something you’re passionate about, emotions can run high. But here’s the thing: being right doesn’t give you a free pass at cruelty, and it doesn’t mean that other people will listen. In fact, given some well-established habits of human nature, having someone yell at you (publicly, no less) that you’re wrong is pretty much the fastest way to get you to dig your heels in. No one wants to be made a fool of, even if they are being a fool. My suggestion is this: even when they might deserve it, don’t embarrass someone publicly. In fact, save the dressing-down for never, not even in private. I know, some people will never be convinced of their wrongness, no matter how kindly and privately you approach them. In which case, what’s the point of dressing them down? Save your energy for causes that aren’t lost. No, the best thing to do is a private message.
This private message shouldn’t be accusatory, either. If you come off on the offensive, the natural reaction will be a defensive one. Put up a bit of emotional separation between you and the situation before you approach, and then just come with facts. Explain that it is very common for false stories to spread around Facebook, and that anyone can make anything seem real with a little photoshop and motivation. Explain that even you yourself have fallen victim to misinformation (it doesn’t matter if this is actually true; it places you on the same level as this person and therefore not above them), and so you have learned to fact-check before sharing. Show them how easy the websites like Snopes are to use, show them how you discovered the post they shared wasn’t true through this approach, offer help them navigate this misinformation landmine in the future, and then leave them to ponder the rest on their own.
You’ve done what you can, and the rest is up to them.
