Most people we know use the internet in some way, including your friends, siblings, parents, and even grandparents. While many younger people grew up with the internet and are so-called “digital natives,” there are also a large amount of people using the internet that were born long before its creation. As a millennial (30) and someone that mostly grew up with the internet, I learned fairly early on what and what not to trust online. I now spend the majority of my day online in some form and have become fairly good at “crap detection” and being able to look up sources for things I see that seem like they may be fake. However, people that didn’t grow up with the internet and are having to learn and navigate as they go may not be as savvy.
This brings us to “The Grandmother Problem” which essentially boils down to members of our family or social groups, usually from older generations, sharing false and sometimes potentially harmful or hateful information online unintentionally. This is becoming an increasing issue not only because more older people have online lives and are creating social media accounts, but because misleading and false information can spread quickly online and without proper techniques for vetting this information, less internet savvy people are prone to fall for it and even share it themselves.
So this leads to the question, what can younger people do to stop their love ones from believing and sharing misinformation?
The answer isn’t simple, but I have laid out a few steps I think will help the conversation get going and will help ease the amount of misinformation from spreading.
1. Talk to your loved ones in a caring way. This is a really vital step as coming from a place of aggression or anger is just going to make them dig in their heels more. Talking to your loved ones in a way that shows concern but also compassion is key. Just talk to them in a way that makes it seem like you care and you want them to know that you can help. This can easily drift into being condescending, so make sure you’re not approaching this like you’re talking to a child. Remember, they are adults and are fully capable of making their own choices so be aware of your tone and also be prepared to get shut down at first.
2. Offer to help but also have resources ready so they can help themselves in the future. Helping out and offering to point out false and/or harmful information to your loved ones is great, but they also need to be able to do this for themselves. You don’t have the time to comment or share information with your loved ones every day, and making them rely on you for help isn’t going to solve the issue. The best solution is to show them where they can go to find correct information, vet sources, and search for facts. Here are some great sources to start out with, but there are plenty more out there:
3. Don’t get upset if they are reluctant to accept help. Some people find it difficult to accept and admit when they’re wrong or their behaviors are problematic. It can be especially hard to hear this from someone much younger than them. Be patient and continue to offer help if they need it. Don’t be pushy and don’t get mad if they tell you no.
4. Be there when they ask, at least at the beginning. It’s important to be present and willing to help when they need it. It may not be a super convenient time for you, but making time to help your loved one shows them that you really do care and are willing to be patient with them. There are limits to this and that’s where step #2 comes in. Make sure you give those resources early and often so you aren’t stuck being the fact checker yourself.
5. Be willing to take time to point out posts that they’ve shared that are false. This is a challenging step as it requires you to keep an eye on your loved one’s social media accounts. Make sure to call out these false or harmful posts to them privately at first. Also be prepared to explain why these posts are a problem and provide correct information if available. Once you do this a few times, hopefully they will start to think about what they’re posting. If they fail to do that, it may be a good idea to start commenting publicly, but please try and be civil and keep the conversation about the post and don’t get personal.
6. Be ok with walking away. Sometimes you just have to walk away, unfollow, or mute your loved ones. While the above steps will hopefully help steer your loved ones in the right direction, you can’t always change their habits. If your loved one isn’t ready or willing to change, the best course of action for your ‘ real life’ relationship may just be to disconnect on social media.
Hopefully the above steps will help get your loved ones started with being able to detect misinformation and to stop sharing it online. It isn’t a perfect system and there are a lot of judgement calls to me made, but if you come from a place of compassion and care, you’re already off to a good start.
